4 Questions Every Father Should Ask Himself

Psychologists tell us that 80% of who we are today, was formed in the first 6 years of our lives. And of course the key characters in that part of the story of our lives, was our fathers and our mothers.

To be the best father we can possibly be… and I truly believe that’s the desire of every father… we must first look back, and examine how it was that we ourselves were fathered, as sons.

Throughout the course of each of our Father-Son Adventure experiences… I ask a series of questions to the fathers, that cause them to reflect on how it was, their relationship with their own fathers affected them.

Here are just four (4) questions that every father should ask himself, to help him be the father that he longs to be:

 

1. Did your father ever take you away on some kind of adventure or trip… just the 2 of you?

I have no memory of my father ever doing something with just me. And that unknowingly affects a child. When a father does make his c
hild a priority, and takes him or her away with him, and they share an experience together… one-on-one… the child comes to know that he or she has been chosen, that he or she is truly loved by his or her father, that he or she is indeed the apple of his or her father’s eye. And that knowing deep within his or her innermost being, does something powerful in the heart of a child. It establishes a true identity, on a strong and solid foundation. I’ve discovered that like me, very few fathers today… far too few… were ever given the opportunity to share such an experience with their Dads. We as fathers ourselves now, need to remedy that, when it comes to our children, and our relationship with each of them.

 

2. Did your father ever tell you all three of the following things…

  1. I love you, including the things he loved most about you.?
  2. I’m proud of you, and why it was he was so proud to have been your Dad.?
  3. I see you, I see what you are good at, and I believe that you have what it takes to be a good man or woman.?

If so… you have heard your father say the things that you needed to hear from him the most. If not… then please know that you are not alone. Unfortunately, that is once again the experience of far too many… including our own fathers, from their fathers. For me, I finally heard the words “I love you.”, just 3 weeks before my father passed away, more than a decade ago now… and those words came, only after I had initiated the exchange, like on many occasions before then, that went unacknowledged.

3. Did you ever receive the “What every boy needs to know about being a man” speech?

I wish my Dad, or some other man for that matter, had taken me aside at an appropriate time in my life, and told me what it meant to be a real man, what a real man does, how a real man treats a woman, children, & others etc… but like so many other men I’ve met, that was not my experience. To be fair… my Dad had never received such a speech himself… and therefore was unable to offer it to me, or my younger brother. How about you? Are you equipped and prepared to offer such a speech to / cast such a vision upon, your son, as he stands on the threshold of manhood? And how about your daughter? Have you been instrumental in ensuring that she knows what it means to be a healthy, secure woman?

4. When did you become a man?

Can you remember a specific moment in your life, when you were told that you were no longer a boy, but a man? I can’t. I was engaged at age 18, married at age 20, and had my first son at age 23… but when I look back over those years, I was still very much a boy, in a man’s body, and in a man’s life. Again, very few men are able to recall such a moment. And once again, as fathers, we need to do this differently. We need to bestow a masculine identity upon our sons, and a feminine identity upon our daughters. We need to usher our sons, and our daughters too, into and through a rite-of-passage type experience… providing a moment, and even better, several moments, that they will never forget.

‘Fathering Adventures’ is an organization that offers Father-Son and Dad & Daughter Adventure Weekend experiences, which equip fathers of children aged 7 to 13 years inclusive, in numerous locations around Australia, to offer exactly what their children really need from them most.

We also offer 4 and 5 Night Father-Son Adventure experience packages, for fathers and their sons (minimum age of 13 years, with no maximum age limit), which provide the all-important process of transitioning boys & girls into young manhood & young womanhood respectively, and young men & young women into authentic manhood & healthy womanhood respectively… ensuring that they respond to my above-mentioned questions, in a very different way to that which you and I have had to respond.

So if you would like to share in an Adventure experience with either your son or daughter, or your very own father for that matter, then we encourage you to explore all of our Father-Son and Dad & Dauhter Adventure experience packages on offer today, online at  www.fatheringadventures.com.au, or by phoning Darren Lewis on 0431 839 035.

Ceremony in the Process of Initiation

In many cultures throughout history, a teenage boy is taken through some type of ritual to mark his official passage into manhood. I believe one of the greatest tragedies of Western culture today is the absence of this type of ceremony.”  Dr Robert Lewis (Author) from his best-selling book, “Raising a Modern Day Knight”

Every knight remembers his dubbing as the first day of his existence.”  Georges Duby (French, influential Medieval Historian, specializing in the social and economic history of the Middle Ages)

Ceremony marks the transition from one season to another. It says powerfully, forcefully, and regally, “From this point forward, life is going to be different!”


The most incredible man I’ve ever met would have to be Dr Robert Lewis.
He is a man who has lived well. He has lived a life of great strength and courage, honour and integrity. He’s been like a father to me… a mentor… and I’m honoured to call him a friend. In Robert’s best-selling book, “Raising a Modern Day Knight”… he lists four common characteristics that every good ceremony possesses. I felt it important to share them here…

1. Memorable ceremonies are costly. The more time, thought, planning, effort, and money you give to a celebration, the more memorable it will be. Memorability  grows in proportion to cost. The more you give, the greater the impact.

2. Memorable ceremonies ascribe value. By setting aside time, making an effort, spending money, and employing meaningful ceremony, we declare the high value of an individual. Effective ceremony says, you are important! And this moment is important!

3. Memorable ceremonies employ symbols.

4. Memorable ceremonies empower a life with vision.

One of my personal favourite moments from each of our 5 Night Father-Son Adventures, and our 4 Night Father-Son Adventures, would have to be the Initiation Ceremony on the final evening. The look upon the face of every son who kneels before his father, as he listens intently to what it is his father is calling him out of (boyhood), and up and into (the higher ground of authentic manhood), is simply priceless. Their eyes are always as wide as saucers. It is a moment in that young man’s life’s journey that he will never forget, for as long as he lives. The culmination of a week of adventure & fun, and training & instruction, alongside his Dad or significant male other, within a community of men… sealed by a ceremony. Now that’s a real process of initiation in action.

You can find a list of dates for all of our upcoming 4 and 5 Night Father-Son Adventures, and all of our Father-Son and Father-Daughter Adventure Weekends here.


Read more testimonials from fathers & sons
, and see more photos, from one of our previous 5 Night Father-Son Adventures here.

Watch our short video in the form of a movie trailer here.

For those of us who are married… we’ve experienced first-hand the power and weightiness of ceremony and celebration. But how many of you have experienced such a ceremony and celebration when it came to your journey to become a man? We’d love to hear from you.