3 Benefits of One-On-One Time

One-on-one time between a father and his child is essential, to ensure that child knows, deep within his or her innermost being, that he or she is unconditionally loved, accepted, and belongs… which is the most important message that every child needs to receive from their Dad, in order to live a whole and healthy life, and experience whole and healthy relationships, for a lifetime.

For me (Darren), one-on-one time is non-negotiable.

It is with great pleasure, that I introduce the following guest blogger… a man whom I respect greatly… a Pioneer in the international “fatherhood” movement… Mr Carey Casey, and specifically his recent short but crucial blog post, “3 Benefits of One-On-One Time”…



If you have more than one child, sometimes you still need to go one-on-one.

I often challenge dads to commit to that “alone” time with each of their children. Here are three powerful reasons:

1. One-on-one time lets kids know they are very important.

Your kids know your calendar is jammed, and they also know how you choose to spend your free time. If you carve out regular time with them—just the two of you—that makes a big statement, and tells them they are a priority to you.

Do be creative and plan cool outings, but really it almost doesn’t matter what you do; your gift of time makes your child feel valued, needed, secure, even empowered.

2. Kids open up during that time.

Derek is a dad I know who has teenagers, and he confesses things can get a little bit tense from time to time. Usually it’s just minor stuff around the house and personality clashes.

But Derek says it quickly changes when he’s out on one of their runs for ice cream or iced coffee. They get in the car and almost right away his child will start talking about something going on in his life. He knows that it’s dad time, and it’s like he’s been saving up topics or questions. He opens up in unexpected ways.

Dad, don’t miss those priceless opportunities.

3. Things happen when you’re doing something together.

Maybe the car breaks down, or you get pulled over for speeding. Maybe someone you see needs help. Or maybe you see friends and have a short conversation. In all those situations, you are modelling for your child how to respond with maturity and grace. You’re also learning more about your child by watching how he handles situations.

Or maybe you’ll run into someone your child knows while you’re out, and you can ask, “So you know them pretty well?” “Where do you see them at school?” And so on. All kinds of interesting things can happen when you and your child are together somewhere.

Dad, take full advantage of frequent one-on-one adventures. Just go get a frozen yogurt, take a long walk, visit a bookstore, or do any activity your child enjoys. But it’s up to you to make sure it happens. Schedule it; be intentional. Don’t let the busy-ness of life crowd out special time with your son or daughter.

Carey Casey is the CEO of the National Center for Fathering (NCF), as well as a husband, father, and grandfather. He is author of “
Championship Fathering”, co-author of “It’s Great Being a Dad”, and general editor of “The 21-Day Dad’s Challenge”.

 

 

 


And of course we also recommend that you consider experiencing ‘Fathering Adventures‘ … www.fatheringadventures.com.au … with one of your sons, or one of your daughters, in a location near you, or perhaps a location even further afield.

We look forward to serving you and child (and your entire family in doing so) in 2016.

4 Questions Every Father Should Ask Himself

Psychologists tell us that 80% of who we are today, was formed in the first 6 years of our lives. And of course the key characters in that part of the story of our lives, was our fathers and our mothers.

To be the best father we can possibly be… and I truly believe that’s the desire of every father… we must first look back, and examine how it was that we ourselves were fathered, as sons.

Throughout the course of each of our Father-Son Adventure experiences… I ask a series of questions to the fathers, that cause them to reflect on how it was, their relationship with their own fathers affected them.

Here are just four (4) questions that every father should ask himself, to help him be the father that he longs to be:

 

1. Did your father ever take you away on some kind of adventure or trip… just the 2 of you?

I have no memory of my father ever doing something with just me. And that unknowingly affects a child. When a father does make his c
hild a priority, and takes him or her away with him, and they share an experience together… one-on-one… the child comes to know that he or she has been chosen, that he or she is truly loved by his or her father, that he or she is indeed the apple of his or her father’s eye. And that knowing deep within his or her innermost being, does something powerful in the heart of a child. It establishes a true identity, on a strong and solid foundation. I’ve discovered that like me, very few fathers today… far too few… were ever given the opportunity to share such an experience with their Dads. We as fathers ourselves now, need to remedy that, when it comes to our children, and our relationship with each of them.

 

2. Did your father ever tell you all three of the following things…

  1. I love you, including the things he loved most about you.?
  2. I’m proud of you, and why it was he was so proud to have been your Dad.?
  3. I see you, I see what you are good at, and I believe that you have what it takes to be a good man or woman.?

If so… you have heard your father say the things that you needed to hear from him the most. If not… then please know that you are not alone. Unfortunately, that is once again the experience of far too many… including our own fathers, from their fathers. For me, I finally heard the words “I love you.”, just 3 weeks before my father passed away, more than a decade ago now… and those words came, only after I had initiated the exchange, like on many occasions before then, that went unacknowledged.

3. Did you ever receive the “What every boy needs to know about being a man” speech?

I wish my Dad, or some other man for that matter, had taken me aside at an appropriate time in my life, and told me what it meant to be a real man, what a real man does, how a real man treats a woman, children, & others etc… but like so many other men I’ve met, that was not my experience. To be fair… my Dad had never received such a speech himself… and therefore was unable to offer it to me, or my younger brother. How about you? Are you equipped and prepared to offer such a speech to / cast such a vision upon, your son, as he stands on the threshold of manhood? And how about your daughter? Have you been instrumental in ensuring that she knows what it means to be a healthy, secure woman?

4. When did you become a man?

Can you remember a specific moment in your life, when you were told that you were no longer a boy, but a man? I can’t. I was engaged at age 18, married at age 20, and had my first son at age 23… but when I look back over those years, I was still very much a boy, in a man’s body, and in a man’s life. Again, very few men are able to recall such a moment. And once again, as fathers, we need to do this differently. We need to bestow a masculine identity upon our sons, and a feminine identity upon our daughters. We need to usher our sons, and our daughters too, into and through a rite-of-passage type experience… providing a moment, and even better, several moments, that they will never forget.

‘Fathering Adventures’ is an organization that offers Father-Son and Dad & Daughter Adventure Weekend experiences, which equip fathers of children aged 7 to 13 years inclusive, in numerous locations around Australia, to offer exactly what their children really need from them most.

We also offer 4 and 5 Night Father-Son Adventure experience packages, for fathers and their sons (minimum age of 13 years, with no maximum age limit), which provide the all-important process of transitioning boys & girls into young manhood & young womanhood respectively, and young men & young women into authentic manhood & healthy womanhood respectively… ensuring that they respond to my above-mentioned questions, in a very different way to that which you and I have had to respond.

So if you would like to share in an Adventure experience with either your son or daughter, or your very own father for that matter, then we encourage you to explore all of our Father-Son and Dad & Dauhter Adventure experience packages on offer today, online at  www.fatheringadventures.com.au, or by phoning Darren Lewis on 0431 839 035.

Something Every Parent Needs to Know

A person’s life is made up of a series of stages or seasons. Between each stage or season of a person’s life, there is a period of transition, and those periods of transition are typically always the time when a person experiences his or her most difficult times.

Typically the most difficult period of transition in a person’s life, is the transition between childhood and adulthood, known as adolescence. Everything changes. And whilst change is good and healthy, change is typically always difficult. And during adolescence, when a boy and a girl are attempting to discover their respective masculine and feminine identities… those difficulties are often exacerbated by the isolation that is typically experienced during those years.

Sociologists have actually performed numerous extensive studies, and reported on those studies, which reveal my earlier claim of adolescence being the most difficult time in a person’s life, to be true. Below is a Personal Wellbeing Index Diagram, prepared by Dr Adrian Tomyn from the School of Health Sciences, at RMIT University, Melbourne, Australia, which graphically illustrates the correlation between a person’s satisfaction with life, and a person’s age. I hope you find it as shocking and disturbing as I do.


As a parent, there is no greater time to richly invest into the life of your son or daughter, than between the ages of 13 and 18 years. Doing so, will undoubtedly change the trajectory of their lives, for good. That said, your relationship with your child prior to them entering their teenage years, is foundational to the years that follow.

If you are a parent of a teenage son or daughter, then we urge you to consider registering for one of the following Father-Son or Dad & Daughter Adventure experiences in either 2015 or 2016, now…

1. A 4 Night Father-Son Adventure in the Brindabella Ranges of NSW, North of Canberra, here.
2. A 5 Night Father-Son Adventure in Tropical North Queensland, here.
3. A 4 Night Dad & Daughter Adventure in Tropical North Queensland, here.